Chance
by Niko
Summary: Sequil to Regret. The past can't be changed, right? Yaoi/Shonen Ai
1. Return

# Return

### Part One of Chance

*.oO@Oo.* 

Five years. Heero stepped off the shuttle and looked around, his prussian eyes open in a look of sorrow and remembrance. You'd think that after five years things would change. People had, circumstances had, but some things never did. There were always absolutions. Returning here just happened to be one of them. People seemed to still pass him without seeing, their feet more appealing to their eyes than his handsome and matured face. They never noticed him. In all of five years, not once had he seen a friendly or familiar face in this crowd of people who walked by the shuttle station every day. He was still and would always be invisible to them. They didn't want to see him and things would go on that way for the next five years as well. It didn't bother him, though. I hadn't ever really. It was just something to think about. It was better than remembering at least. Perhaps the most painful absolution was the one that had brought him here in the first place. The ultimate absolution. Death. It wasn't exactly depressing to remember those last few weeks in the house on the hill, the five ex-gundam pilots reminiscing and catching up in the quite quarters. Not depressing. Painful. They had all wasted five years together, the five years between the end of the war and Duo's death. Five years they could never get back. Heero hadn't brought with him a bag. He never needed one when he came back to this colony. Everything he needed was waiting for him in Duo's house. All he needed to do was to get there. It was mid-day and despite the climate control, the air and atmosphere was humid and dry. Too many people crowded around in the station. Heero quickly walked outside and into the busy streets, thankful but not too greatly relieved. It was just as damn uncomfortable out there as it was indoors. He thought about calling a cab but the thought passed over his mind and left as quickly as it had come. In five years he had not once gotten a ride to the house and he wasn't about to break the tradition. Walking there was as much a part of this as anything. Heero's legs felt cramped from the long space journey anyway. He could use a good walk to work out the tension in his calves. The streets were just as prone to consistency as everything else. One would think the scenery would change a bit. .

_Five years. It can't have really been that long. Can it? Why does it still hurt so much to think about it?_

His hand moved unconsciously to the gold cross that hung from his neck, his fingers rubbing the smooth metal. Duo had given it to him as he lay dying, wanting to give it to him to be remembered by. Heero's grip tightened around the cold object. Duo had know he had loved him when he had died but not for very long. He'd told him that night and he'd died the next morning speaking of a promise never forgotten and a dream that still exists _If I had known he felt the same way, maybe we could have been together longer. We wasted five whole years. Five years we could have spent together. Damnit. No regrets right? So why do I feel like this? It's not like there is anything I can do about it. I can't change the past so why do I lie awake at night wishing for it. Why do I not loose hope?_

Once again it seemed his thoughts had taken him out of reality. It wasn't till his feet landed on the grassy knoll of the hill that Heero realized where he was. He looked up to the top and sighed at the house that sat there only thirty feet away. He hadn't even realized he'd walked that far. Heero trudged up the hill in silence, not even his thoughts bother to question him. Heero searched his pockets for the key and was rewarded with a soft clink as it jangled against the loose change in his pant's pocket. He pulled it out and unlocked the door with it before stashing it back for safekeeping. His fingers tightened around the knob of the door and he turned it. The door opened soundlessly, admitting him easily. Empty. Empty and.. dark. He tried to flip on the light switch but it refused his orders, stubbornly staying dead and unwilling to uplift the darkness. Heero tried it again and again till he resorted to cursing at it. How that was supposed to aid in illuminating the room was unknown but it made him feel better just having them said. The bulbs weren't broken which left only one thing. Quatre had forgotten to pay the electric bill on the house. Despite no one living in it, the colonies industrial cooperation insisted a bill be paid on the utilities of the house. Quatre had agreed to take it upon himself and pay the meager fee but it seemed, as the lights protested, that he had forgotten to do so this year. 

_I'm going to need to go into town tomorrow for more than groceries it seems. Damnit. Blondie couldn't get his attention turned away from Trowa long enough to pay the damn bill. Now I'm stuck with it. Arigato, baka. Both you and your lover._

Heero brushed his bangs out of his eyes and sighed. It probably wasn't their fault. Knowing the colonies, and this one in particular, they probably just forgot to turn the utilities on for this week. Maybe he resented the fact that Trowa and Quatre had each other. Heero didn't mean to say such hateful things but seeing them together was a constant reminder of what he would never have. Not ever again. They sensed it. Quatre did at least. Heero had noted the last time they had all met together the amount of time he had seen the two of them acting no more friendly to each other than to anyone else in the room. It was nice of them but they didn't need to act differently in his presence. Heero walked over to the couch and sat down, an eruption of dust throwing him into a sneezing fit. When at last both the dust and his sneezes had settled down, he laid back and stared at the painted ceiling. 

_Quatre and Trowa. Hm. Five years and still going strong. Would we have made it this long, Duo? We'll never have a chance to see will we. Not in this life time._

He closed his eyes and relaxed, blocking out the needless remarks his mind brought forth. His hand once again reached for the cross he wore and a small smile crept upon his face. 

_I wish it would rain today. It hasn't rained for our reunion in the past years. I wish it would this time. It would be nice to play in the rain like we did so long ago._

_~Duo, what makes this… fun?"~ _

~I don't know. It just is. It's different and rare and at the same time beautiful. Ya can't help but enjoy it. I can tell ya one thing thought, having someone around makes things a lot more fun."~ 

_It wasn't just that there was someone else around. It was that that someone was you. Am I crazy to think you can hear my thoughts? Does being here really make you seem less dead? You'd think it was the other way around. This is your house and these are your things. The most important thing about all of them is gone though. You. Wouldn't the emptiness tell me this? Wouldn't your, _your_, cross around my throat remind me you can no longer wear it? It doesn't. I still feel your presence, more here than anywhere else. You never left. I can still feel your love in this house. That's how I know you can see me, why I believe you can hear me. You're still here. Your laugher and smile are etched into the woodwork._

Heero smiled again, more genuine this time, the sudden craving for a hot mug of hot chocolate nipping at his stomach. He didn't have any in the house that he would remember. Even if there were, he wouldn't drink it. Not after a year of being stored away. Who knew what would be growing in it. The thought of it sent a chill up his spine. No way. He'd buy some tomorrow after he get the electricity and what not working again. In the mean time, Heero decided to find some candles or a flashlight at the very least. He headed for the closet and opened it up. The hallway had no window and was most likely the darkest part of the house. Great. Wonderful. Heero hit his head seven times before giving up and grabbing the closest box and taking in to the window seat in the front room. It wasn't marked and looked old and extremely dusty. Heero took a deep breath and blew off the top most layer of dust before opening it up. There were neither candles inside nor a flashlight. Under the lid of the box was written "Keep Sake" in Duo's trademark lettering. Heero bit his lip. Duo hadn't mentioned he'd had a keep sake box. Though he fit the profile of a pack rat, Heero had never really expected to find something like this in his possession. Feeling slightly guilty, he began to rummage through the contents. 

_A journal?_

Heero picked up the black book and frowned. He'd never seen it before. Where the hell had Duo been hiding it? He put it on the seat beside him. He'd consider reading it later. Next was a box of nick-knacks it seemed he'd picked up from here and there. There was a bolt labeled "Deathscythe" and a chip of paint with "Wing Gundam" written on the bag. Heero chuckled lightly. What had possessed the guy to collect these things? They were so… pointless. The most puzzling of all was a large brass nail that had to be at least eight inches long and one inch thick. Duo had collected many odd things. Finally, Heero came across something rather, and quite startlingly, familiar. 

"Hey, my satellite phone. What's it doing here?" 

Heero pulled out the hand held devise and turned it over in his hand. It was in near perfect condition. Probably still worked as well. 

"How did you get this, Duo?" he asked no one. 

_Baka. You gave it to him after your last mission cause you thought you broke it and he wanted to try to fix it._ Heero shook his head and turned it on. The lights came to life immediately. _Guess he really did it. Hm._

Heero adjusted the settings on the phone and placed it to his ear, "Hello, anyone there?" he asked. No one used one of these anymore. They were outdated really, even in his time, but it was entertaining for the moment and a distraction at best. Who knew, maybe some war veteran out there was checking out his old equipment at the moment and they could swap stories. It would pass time at least. Quatre, Trowa and Wufei weren't due in for another couple of days. Sometimes, even Heero Yuy could find loneliness in the silence.. "Hello?" he repeated, praying for a response. 

Nothing but static answered those prayers. Then suddenly; 

<"What do you want? How did you get this frequency?"> 

Heero was shocked to say the least but pleasantly shocked. A thin smile crawled across his features and touched even his voice, "Excuse me. I didn't realize this was a private line. I was just looking for someone to talk to." 

<"It's not but I'd still like to know who the hell's calling me. Do you work for Dr. J?"> 

Heero inhaled quickly, unable to think for a moment, "How do you know about Dr. J?" 

There was no answer on the other line for a while, <"So, you are from him. What's this about. A new mission?"> 

Heero was about to respond but stopped suddenly. He could hear a voice in the background of the other line, a hauntingly jaunt and joyful voice that seemed to sweep threw the receiver like music. 

<"K'so! Not another mission! We nearly got killed last night and I'd like time to heal before I go out risking my ass again. Tell whoever it is that we're not interested!"> 

Heero couldn't breath. He knew that voice, or rather had known the only boy such a voice could come from. His grip around the phone tightened and unshed tears gathered beneath defying eyes. 

"D…Duo?!" 


	2. Coincidence

# Coincidence

### Part Two of Chance

*.oO@Oo.* Heero slammed the phone down before any answer could be made and watched it roll across the carpet. It had to be a dream. There was no way that could have been… him. Heero ran his fingers through his hair and groaned. Was this someone's idea of a sick joke? No. No one sounded like Duo. He'd have known if it was a trick but.. how? Duo was dead, right? The dead can't talk on satellite phones. Right? Was he crazy? Heero stood and ran for the bathroom, promptly turning the faucet and being rewarded with nothing. 

_Damn utilities…_

His heart was beating a million times a second and his breathing was harsh and quick. His eyes drifted from the sink to the mirror and he gazed blankly at the sad prussian eyes which starred back at him. They bore into his soul and ripped at old wounds, tearing their new flesh away.

_ It couldn't have been him. You were just imagining it. It's this place. Maybe you wanted it to be him so badly you imagined you'd heard him. Yeah, that's got to be it. Your just playting tricks on yourself. Calm down already. There's no need to panic. Your going to make yourself sick._ he instructed himself.

Sure enough, his body began to slow down and relax, depression settling in over the excitement and fear he had felt. With reassurance in his step, Heero left the bathroom and returned to the front room, kicking at the phone then stooping to pick it up and carry it to the box. He wouldn't be using it again. That much was for sure. He placed it back in the box and carried it to the closet, stashing it back with all the rest of the junk. What had he been looking for again? Oh yea, candles and a flashlight. He left the idea of finding anything in the dark hall and went for the kitchen instead. The window over the sink and along the outer wall added enough light to see clearly here. The search wasn't a long one. The candles were above the sink and a rather large flashlight was sitting behind a year old box of cookies. Heero grimaced. He didn't want to know what was growing in that bag now. With night drawing near and the desired objects in hand, Heero left the kitchen and headed back to his bedroom. He stopped for a moment though, his eyes resting on Duo's journal. He'd forgotten he'd taken it out of the box and had apparently forgotten to put it back. He picked it up and turned it over in his hands. It wouldn't hurt to read it, he guessed. It wasn't like Duo could do anything to stop him. _Ouch, that remark hurt._

In his room, he tossed the black book to the bed as he began to undress. First his socks, then his pants and finally his shirt till he was left in nothing but a pair of boxers. The clocks on the walls all flashed midnight but the fading sun outside proved that to be wrong. He fliped his wrist over and glaired at his watched. It was rather early to be getting to bed but he was tired none the less. Satisfied, he set the watch on the bedside table and took out a match from the drawer. With the candle secured in a rather gothic and early looking candleholder, Heero lit the wick and sat back on the matrices to watch the flickering flame. So many philosophies compared life to a candle's flame, inconstant and doomed to extinguish eventually. Heero laughed at himself. He was starting to sound like Duo. 

_If a tree falls in the woods…. Don't worry Duo. Your memory is safe with me. _

He shook his head and found Duo's journal in his hands. _Speaking of memories._

The black cover felt strangely familiar in his grasp and his fingers flipped through the thin pages quickly but carefully. A strange notion caused him to pause, the date on the page before him relfecting the same as today's, only the year was AC 195. Heero blinked his eyes and smiled, a sudden curiosity coming over him to know what Duo had done on this day those ten years ago. His smile faded though as he read the first two words. 

"Dear.. Solo?" 

_His childhood friend. The one who died of the plague. The one whose friendship had inadvertently caused Duo's death. How ironic that Death should write in his journal to the his own destroyer._ Heero closed his eyes and searched for the strength to read the entry. These were written before Duo knew of his fate, when fighting for resolution and avoiding death were life in itself. In the end, curiosity won over his own resolve and his eyes danced across the page searching for knowledge and past joy to relish in. 

Dear Solo,_________________________________________   
We got our asses kicked today. It wasn't a pretty sight. We  
won but Shenlon is busted up pretty bad and everyone's kinda upset.   
Guess they're all thinking what I'm thinking. Is this war ever   
going to end? I stayed up all night last night asking myself that. I   
came to one conclusion. The war isn't going to end till someone   
decides to stop fighting. Maybe we're wrong. Maybe it's the   
colonies that need to surrender. I don't know anymore. It's kinda   
like when you say your name over and over and over again to   
yourself and after a while, you realize how dumb of a name it is.   
I've gone over my purpose in this war for so long that I can't even   
remember what made joining the fight such a good idea. Heero's   
giving me that look again. The patented, "Omae o korosu" one. I   
guess it's what I get for complaining. He was on that neat looking   
satellite phone with some guy who was supposedly going to give   
us a new mission and now that the guy hung up, it's all my fault.   
Geeze he's cranky. Wonder what it would take to remove that   
stick from his butt. No use wondering though, ne? The guy's   
superhuman. It would take a miracle to get him to liven up. He   
does look awfully peaceful when he's asleep though. Goodnight,   
Solo. We've survived another night on the battlefield. 

Heero glanced over it a second time. _The satellite phone… but I never.. it couldn't be that I..I…_

Heero sat back on his pillow and blinked at the ceiling. He didn't remember those events. The fighting, yes. The call… he'd never received messages over the unsafe frequencies. His laptop was safer. A startling thought entered his dreary mind. It couldn't be possible, could it? It wasn't possible that that phone call could be the same one he just made. The events, the date, even the circumstances of the call all fit with this journal entry. There was no possible way.. was there? Heero laughed at himself. _Well_, he though, _I've lost it. Duo, you'd be happy to know that I've finally snapped. Well hell, if I'm going to go crazy over some stupid coincidence may as well go full out, ne?_

He crossed his arms behind his head and bit at his bottom lip. 

_Alright then. Lets say for a moment that I just called AC 195 with some piece of junk satellite phone and got a hold of the gundam pilots. Alright. So, what does this mean and what can I get out of this?_

He smiled to himself. He knew exactly what he would do with such a oportunity. It was what he had always dreamt for for the past five years. 

_If I could talk to myself and do things differently, I could spend those lost five years together with Duo instead of working for Relena. I'd have my last regret washed away. I'd have said "I love you" sooner._

Heero pushed those thoughts away, "No. You can't change the past. It's just a coincidence! You can not change the past!" he wanted to throw the book across the room. He wanted to grab that problematic phone that had started all this and toss it in a lake. ..he wanted to call again and make his dreams come true. 

_NO!_

Heero shut the journal and practically through it on the bed side table. Why did it always happen like this? He thought he had been stronger than this. When Duo died he had promised himself and the others that he wouldn't react this way and here he was; angry, depressed, mad at the world and every heavenly body he could name. He hadn't meant to lie. He had wanted to go on and live life to it's fullest in Duo's absence but it wasn't that easy. It stopped being easy the first year. Heero sat up and tossed his legs over the side of his bed, the sheets hanging half off as well. If he was ever going to get any sleep tonight, he had to call again. It was the only way he could think of which would put his mind to rest. He had to call and realize it was just his imagination. Heero stepped out of his room and crossed to the closet. The door opened and now, armed with a flashlight, Heero sought out the lone box that damned phone was contained in. There were many, many boxes. With a short mumble of curses, Heero opened every box and looked under the lid. When he came to the last box (It's always the last box.) practically ripped the top off. This was taking longer than planned and the suspense was killing him. He searched around the sides and bottom of the box till at last his fingers curled around the sleek metal object. He pulled it out and starred at it. 

"I'm going to call up and realize this was all just my imagination." 

With that said, he checked the frequency once again and plugged it in. He breathed out whatever breath he had been holding and spoke clearly into the receiver, "Hello, I need to speak with you. Please respond." 

There was a short pause then a cheery reply, <"Hello, who is this?"> 

_Oh god.. it sounds so much like him.._ "Heero. Heero Yuy." 

There was a loud sigh and an audible frown, <"Your type doesn't waist much on small talk, ne? I'll get him for you."> 

Heero didn't quite understand, "I-" 

<"Hey, Heero! I answered your phone! I hope ya don't mind too much, buddy! You were out of the room!"> the voice shouted on the other end, <"I don't know who it is. The same guy from before I'm guessing! Can I talk on it for a while? Your not much on conversation and it would be very nice of you to let me talk to someone for a while!"> 

<"You and that damn phone. Give it to me, Duo."> 

Heero dropped the phone and stepped back. _No… impossible.._

The speaker on the other line changed and a different, similarly familiar voice, shouted through the phone, <"Hello? Hello? Are you there? Damnit I'm tired of this crap! If you're going to call and hang up every time, don't bother calling!"> The sharp click resounded as the phone clicked off. Heero starred at it as if it were a object from some foreign world. 

"That was… me? What the hell is going on. What the hell…." 

* * *

AC 195

Heero threw the phone down and stared at it then his partner, "Is this your doing?" 

Duo held up his arms defensively, "Hey, look man, I have nothing to do with this! Ya think I like being on the receiving end of those death glares of your's?_No_way_!" Duo presses past him and into their room, flopping lazily on his bed. 

Heero kept his gaze steady and annoyed, "Who do I have to thank for these sleeping arrangements?" he asked as he crossed to his own bed. 

Duo sat up smiled, "It was Wufei's idea. 1 and 2 in this room, 3 and 4 in the other and-" 

"5 all alone in his own, private room. Bastard." 

Duo looked hurt but smiled anyway, "Ah come on. I'm not that bad of company am I? Besides, it's always been this way. I've known you longer than anyone else and Quatre and Trowa met long before we met them. Wufei's always been the loner. Shouldn't mess with success, ne?" 

Heero decided not to dignify that with a response. Duo got the gist of his retort anyway. 

"Fine then. Ignore me. I don't care. See if I risk my neck for your worthless hide next time." 

"I've never ask you to-" 

"I know, I know! I'm just such a nice guy that I can't sit back and do nothing." He shook his head and lay back on his pillows, "Ne, Heero, what time is it?" 

"Late." 

"You'd say that even if it weren't true. You just want me to go to sleep." 

"It's the only way to get you to shut up." 

"Alright, that's enough! I can take a hint!" He dove under his covers and pulled them up to his chin, "Good-night, Heero! See ya in the morning!" 

"If you don't shut up I am going to stuff that braid down your throat and eagerly watch you as you die of suffocation." 

Duo laughed and rolled over on his side, "Whatever, man. Sweet dreams." 


	3. Possibilities

# Possibility 

### Part Three of Chance

*.oO@Oo.* 

AC 205

Heero looked around the illuminated house with a slight groan. It was a _mess_. At least there was electricity and running water again. That much was a plus. Still, he had a lot of work to do till the others got there. Unfortunately, along with the manual labor involved in the clean up came wondering thoughts. Thinking about what cleaning product was safe to use on hard wood floors only kept ones interest for so long. On this day, inevitably, his thoughts wandered to that damn phone and the voices on the other end. Maybe his imagination was to blame but it had seemed so real. Even worse, now that he thought about it, he could almost remember it happening to him in the past. It was like a jigsaw puzzle in which the pieces had finally come together but the picture was still unclear. Or perhaps it was more like a morning after a blissful slumber where you can no longer tell whether you've been dreaming or if everything is real. Either way, there was something undoubtedly right about the whole thing. Whether he believed it or not, something was going on. He began to divulge himself in fantasies, on ideas of what might be if this sort of opportunity were really open to him. He had so much to gain if what his heart said was true. He'd call again, of course. Whether he would stay on the phone this time or not was still up to fate. To think, talking with your ten years junior self. What would he tell him? How the war ended, whom ended up with whom, what stock changes made and broke many wealthy businessmen. Guilt and his conscience nipped at him. That was wrong, yes, but these were just fantasies. He knew what could happen if he did something like that. A time paradox, a Pandora's box equation. He could mess up everything. What happened happened for a reason. Had he stayed with Duo, who knows, maybe they would have both died in a shuttle crash. On the other hand, maybe this reality was the messed up one. Maybe he wasn't supposed to leave after the war. This was all too confusing. Heero wiped at his brow absentmindedly as he surveyed the layers of dust settling above the furniture. He wished it had been Quatre and Trowa's turn to prepare the place. Maybe then they would be the ones in this odd situation. Besides that, this was a dirty, lonely job. He started with the ceiling and worked his way down with duster, broom and mop. After many hours of hard labor, his stood back and admired his work. Spotless. He smiled to himself. Duo never knew the meaning of the word. His side of the room was always a mess. The guy had improved greatly over the five years but he was still a slob. He'd just started cleaning up after himself as time went on.

Heero put the things away and sat down to a small meal of ramen. He ate it quickly as was the custom and slipped the empty dish into the sink. What was there to do now? He still had a good two or three days to completely finish the place off. After working most of the day, he wasn't very keen on the idea of continuing his task. He glanced at the clock on the wall and frowned. Time moved just a tab bit too slowly for him. He drummed on the table with his knuckles and blew his bangs out of his face. Duo's journal instantly came to mind as he pondered over what to do. He walked to his bedroom and grabbed the book then returned to the kitchen where the lighting was best. A hot mug of hot chocolate and he was set. Heero opened to the day's date and read over the entry. Nothing much. Duo certainly took a long time to say nothing happened though. Three paragraphs in fact. Heero shook his head and turned the page, unsatisfied with the previous entry. This one was much more to his liking and brought a small bout of laughter at the memory. Duo singing with the broom. With those oh-so-short-shorts on and those long pale legs dancing across the floor, Duo had been quite a sight. The crimson color that rose to his cheeks was equally humorous. It wasn't often that Shinigami had reason to blush. The boy hardly understood the word humility. 

_He had such a beautiful singing voice_, Heero thought. _I wish I could have recorded that moment in time. _

He sighed wistfully and closed the book. If he was going to make that call again, he had better do it now while he still had the courage to do so. The phone was sitting out of the box this time. Heero had learned his lesson the night before. His hands didn't shake thought he knew they should be. The frequency settings were the same as the times before and he waited. 

"Heero Yuy, please respond." 

Nothing. _ … he's not going to pick up the phone again… but I need to know-_

<"I hope you aren't planning on hanging up again."> 

_Thank God!_

"No. I'm sorry about that. I was shocked. I need to ask you a question." 

<"I'm not in the mood to answer it."> 

Heero growled, "Listen to me, this will only take a second. I need to know what year it is." 

<"What kind of nut case are you?."> 

"Humor me." Heero waited, his fingers crossed. There was a long silence. It was like torture. Didn't this guy realize how much this meant to him? He _had_ to know. 

Finaly, <"This is the year After Colony 195."> 

The sound echoed in his ears, his mind, his soul. AC 195. Ten years ago. He pinched himself. It hurt. A lot, actually. His eyes were the size of saucers, all this prior fantasies suddenly materializing before them. 

"Heero Yuy, would you believe me if I told you that I know your future." 

<"What the hell? Are you some kind of phony physic? I'm not interested. Good-night."> 

"No! I'm not! Hold on a minute!" Heero shouted, "I want to help you!" 

<"Help me?"> There was a small mocking laugh at the other end of the line, <" And just who the hell are you?"> 

Heero thought for a moment. He needed a name. Knowing himself, he'd never believe he was talking to himself in the future. Hell he could hardly believe it. He usually just went by Duo Maxwell when times called for a new identity but it wouldn't work in this case. So what would he call himself now? He couldn't let some technicality ruin his chance to… 

"Chance. My name is Chance." 

<"Good for you. Good-bye."> 

"Wait, listen! You're going to make the wrong choice in your future that you'll regret for the rest of your life! If you listen to me, we can avoid the path already taken and create a better future." 

There was a long drawn out pause, <"I don't understand you and frankly I don't care to. How do I know I can trust you."> 

"You don't." 

<"That's all I needed to know."> 

Heero knew what was coming next. He was about to hang up on himself, or rather, 195 Heero was about to hang up on 205 Heero. He couldn't allow that to happen. He leaned against the table and felt the black book under his hand. The journal. Of course. Perfect! 

"Wait, don't hang up. I can prove it to you." 

Pause. 

<"How?"> 

Heero took a deep breath, "Tomorrow afternoon you, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei are going to go to the store but you'll come home early and find Duo dancing in the living room and singing into a broom." 

Longer pause. 

<"What makes you think this will happen?"> 

"It already has. Just not for you." 

With that, he hung up the phone and set it down on the table. Now his hands were shaking. Not just his hands. His whole body shook violently. He hadn't just done that.. had he? He hadn't just..

.. oh God. 

He fell, his hands grasping a hold of his chair as he went down. The last few minutes of the day seemed to fade like a dream though his mind said clearly that they had been real. Heero bent his head over his arms, unable to think straight. The world seemed to dip and sway, twirling around him in a downward spiral. Consequences of his actions flashed before him previously unthought of. He was tampering with time for heaven's sake! Then suddenly, a horrifying realization came to him. He couldn't care less. As long as he got what he wanted, he didn't care what happened to anything else. Selfish? Maybe. But then again, he'd risked his life for the world, it was about time the world repaid its debt. 

Heero stood, his legs sturdy beneath him,. He took the phone and Duo's journal in hand and looked at them, a mysterious gleam in his eyes. He had a new mission.

_I will reshape my past. I will mold my life and recreate my future. As long as I end up with Duo…. the world can go to Hell._


	4. Believe

# Believe

### 

Part Four of Chance

*.oO@Oo.*

AC 195

Heero awoke groggily as his pants were thrown in his face. He pulled them away and glared at the one with the nerve to awaken him. Duo stood there, smiling like the fool he was, with Heero's shirt in his hands. 

"Get up, Heero! We're going shopping!" 

Heero rubbed at his eyes and looked to the clocked. What was Duo thinking? "It's six in the morning. No one goes shopping at this hour. Go away." 

"Nahuh!" Duo grabbed his foot and started to pull him off the bed. Bad move. He drew back quickly but not quickly enough. The object, Heero's foot. The point of contact, Duo's nose. The braided boy rubbed at the protrusion on his face with a sour expression, "Ouch. That hurt! Why'd you have to kick me in the face? Wouldn't a swift blow to the gut have worked?" Heero pretended not to hear him and pulled the covers over his head. Unfortunately for him, Duo was nothing if not persistent. 

"Come on, Heero! The guys are going to leave without us! You don't want to get left behind! Weren't you paying attention last night?" 

Heero hadn't been. He hadn't realized anything other than Duo's normal useless chatter had been said. Duo planted his hands on his hips and starred at the unmoving lump on the bed, "You weren't listening, were you? Quatre was complaining about having to pick up after all of us and having to do the shopping all by himself so Wufei suggested that the last person in the car to go shopping today would clean up around here! It's a pick your poison sorta thing and I sure as hell's rather go shopping than be stuck here by myself cleaning up!" Heero groaned. Another one of Wufei's stupid suggestions, "I suppose he thought this to be a just way of assigning duties. It's not like we're going to be here for very long. Once the next mission comes through we're moving on." 

"Yeah, yeah, I know that. But the next mission could be months down the line! They're all thinking about the possibility of staying here for a while. It's really not that bad a place." 

"It's a run down shack that's probably housed wanted men more than once in its existence." 

"Heero!" Duo tugged at the blankets wrapped tightly around his friend, "Come on! I want to see Wufei's face when he realizes he's the last one! I know Quatre's probably got Trowa out the door already!" Heero let go the blanket suddenly. 

"He-whoa!" Duo fell back and crashed into the closet. Dust fell from every corner, covering him in thick layers. Heero sat up and couldn't help but laugh. Duo was absolutely filthy. Duo looked less than pleased at this and began to sneeze in great lengths. Having lost his will to sleep, Heero took his pants and shirt and changed, watching out of the corner of his eye as Duo stood and tried to shake off the majority of dust that clung to his clothing and hair. The hair thing is what had Duo really upset. He looked in the mirror with a sad pout on his face, eyeing the damage done. 

"Way to go, Heero. I look like a dust bunny!" 

"Wrong tail." Heero pulled hard at his braid as he walked past Duo and towards the door. 

Duo shrieked and hugged his scalp, "First the nose, then the braid! What next?!" 

"Heero! Duo! Are you guy's ready?" Quatre stuck his head through the door and smiled at Heero, "I see you're ready. How's Du-OH?!" Quatre crossed to the dirty fool and shook his head, a slight smile on his face, "How on earth did you get so dirty, Duo?" 

Duo didn't answer. For once, he just stood there and glared. Quatre got the picture anyway. 

"I'm sorry, Duo, but it looks like you'll be staying here. Wufei and Trowa are downstairs finishing their breakfast. I'm sorry to say, you're the last." 

Duo hung his head and plopped down on the floor, "Just my luck. This is so _not_ my day." He sighed loudly and fell back against the floor, poking at the tip of his sore nose. 

Quatre shook his head, "The broom's under the stairs. I trust you know how to use one?" 

Duo waved him away, "Yeah, yeah. Have fun at the store and bring me back something good, okay?" 

"Sure." Quatre met Heero at the door and the two left the room, closing the door behind them. Duo sighed again. His normal black outfit was way to dirty to wear now. It was all he had packed though. All he had else with him was a pair of gym shorts and his white undershirt. Duo's thoughts returned to his hair. If he was going to change outfits, he may as well shower as well. He sat up finally and undid his hair. The chestnut locks fell around him, unleashing more dust and more sneezing fits. What a way to start the day. 

* * *

Heero sat in the back seat next to Wufei, a scowl on his face. Something in the back of his mind disturbed him about the day's events but he couldn't place it. He'd checked his laptop for messages, hadn't he? Yes. Just before leaving. No new messages and further more, no new missions. He'd already checked his fly seven times. That wasn't it either. Something was definitely unsettling about this picture though. What was it? 

_<"Tomorrow afternoon you, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei are going to go to the store..">_

What? Oh, of course. Heero's scowl deepened. That damn call. It didn't mean anything, though. People went to the store everyday. Who ever this Chance guy was had just made a lucky guess, that was all. Heero crossed his arms over his chest. He'd have to get a new frequency for that satellite phone if Chance kept feeling the need to contact him. Heero was quite sure who ever this guy was, he was more than likely some escaped patient of a psycho ward. What kind of question was "what year is it' anyway? 

Trowa noted Heero's demeanor and raised an eyebrow in question, "What's up with you?" 

"Nothing. I just ended up listening to Duo rattle on all night long." He cast a dangerous look towards Wufei. 

The chinese boy shook his head, "If it is such a big deal, we can trade rooms. I at least have the option of suspended animation if Duo becomes unbearable." 

Quatre frowned, "You guys are horrible. Just because you're not as social as-" 

"Social and what Duo is are two different things. The guy is a potential problem. One day he's going to let too much information slip and get us all in trouble." Heero argued. 

Quatre sighed and turned his attention to the road, "I don't think you give him enough credit." 

"Hm." 

Heero gazed out his own window, watching the scenery pass by. He couldn't remember why or how he had agreed to work with the others but somewhere down the road, they had joined together. It made little sense if one really thought about it. Being this close to the others might result in friendship. Screw that, Heero thought. It was probably already to late to stop that. Quatre and Trowa were practically best friends and Duo was so trusting, he'd pretty much labeled everyone as a friend. Only himself and Wufei seemed to have kept a fair distance between themselves and the others. Friendship could be used against them by the enemy. People were expendable. Attachments only made things more difficult. So why had he joined with the others? If not for friendship, then what? Perhaps it was for understanding. Of all the people he'd ever encountered, only the gundam pilots understood his motives and goals. Maybe he just wanted the conversation. Or not. Heero thought back to Duo and his non-stop chatter. That was the last thing he wanted. He took a few moments to look at each pilot separately. Each one brought something different to the battlefield, whether it was Wufei's sense of justice, Quatre's innocence or Trowa's in-depth planning. They were all skilled and could easily accomplish many of the missions sent through by themselves. Maybe he just kept them around to keep and eye on them. They always say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Heero leaned his head back against the seat. Who was he kidding. He liked being in their company. They were the closest things to friends he had ever had. The car stopped outside the house and Trowa exited the vehicle, popping the trunk and taking out a few bags to carry inside. He led the way towards the house but stopped suddenly in front of a window, a quite confused and amused look on his face. It wasn't until Heero caught up with him and took a look for himself that he understood why. 

_<"…you'll come home early and find Duo dancing in the living room and singing into a broom.">_

Heero's jaw dropped. The store thing was an easy guess but this… Duo twirled around in stocking feet, seemingly wearing nothing but a large white shirt with but a hint of red shorts sticking out from beneath. He seemed oblivious to their return as he sang out loudly to a rather cheerful tune. Heero had never heard the boy sing before. It was beautiful. His hair was wet and only half braided the majority of it flying free beyond the ponytail fastened at shoulder blade length. 

Wufei's deliberate cough brought Heero's attention back to the real world with a start. 

"Shouldn't we be getting this stuff inside?" Wufei asked, unfazed by the sigh of Duo. 

Trowa shook his head and nodded, "Yeah. Should we tell Duo we saw him?" 

"Perhaps. His reaction would be quite enjoyable to witness." 

Heero nodded, not really paying attention. He'd never realized how graceful Duo really was as he danced across the room with the broom acting as both his partner and mic. 

"Don't tease him too much," Quatre instructed as he opened the door, "Duo, we're back!" 

The dancing and singing stopped abruptly and Duo bounded up the stairs, "Okay! I finished with the downstairs! I need to get changed so I'll be down in a sec!" 

Heero entered the safe house and shook his head as the last trail of the Deathscythe pilot's hair disappeared behind the upstairs wall. _How did Chance know about this? How could he have guessed so accurately?_ Heero let out a long breath and shook his head. Chance would undoubtedly call tonight. He'd get more answers then. Whether he trusted him or not was still to be questioned. Did he believe him… quite frankly it was hard not to. He dropped the bags from the store on the table and took a seat on the couch. He'd get his answers later. 


	5. Reluctance

# Reluctance

### Part Five of Chance

*.oO@Oo.* 

Duo didn't reappear for a long time. When at last he came back down the stairs his hair was dry and fully braided and he was dressed in his normal black attire. He smiled warmly at the others and skidded into the kitchen, "Did ya get me anything?" he asked, opening the door to the fridge. 

Quatre shook his head, "There's nothing in there for you. I'm glad to see you've cleaned up though." 

"Hm? Oh, yeah! You should have seen the mess. Dust everywhere! A good soaking did the job though." 

"Soaking?" Quatre turned towards the boy with startled crystal eyes, "Duo, I thought you only used the broom." 

"Broom?" he took a coke out of the fridge and snapped the top, "Why would I use a broom? A brush does fine. I'm almost afraid to ask what you use!" 

Trowa looked up from his book, "I saw you use the broom. You were.. sweeping the living room." 

Duo laughed, "Oh! I thought we were talking about my hair! Ha, well that makes a lot more sense! Yea, I-" he choked on his breath as realization struck him. Amethyst eyes flew wide in bewilderment and starred at Trowa, "You.. you saw me 'sweeping'?" he asked in a hushed voice. 

Trowa nodded and stood with his book and moved into the living room, "You're quite the preformer, Shinigami." 

Duo ducked his head between his shoulders and followed the solitary solider, his cheeks red with embarrassment. "You didn't tell anyone else, did you?" 

He shook his head and paused to note Heero sitting on the couch. Heero turned towards the two and knew instantly what they had been discussing. Duo's tell-all face.. well.. told all. 

_I really shouldn't say anything. He's embarrassed enough as it is._ Heero's eyes sparkled with mischief, _This would, however, be a good opportunity to see if Duo can ever be rendered speechless._

Heero stood up from the couch and walked towards Duo, an evil grin stretching across his face, "Duo?" 

The said pilot popped out of his shell and looked eagerly at his colleague, "Yeah, Heero?" 

"Nice legs." 

Heero stood there just long enough to enjoy the reaction his remark had caused. Duo's face was redder than a balloon and in fact, it seemed his whole body had taken to the crimson color. His eyes were wide and his lips perused together in an unfamiliar look of both astonishment and utter embarrassment. Heero allowed his smile to spread and stepped past the shocked boy and retreated to his room to relocate his things. 

"Trowa, if you see Wufei, tell him I'm moving my stuff to his room and to have his things out as soon as possible." 

Trowa nodded and sat down on the couch. Duo, however, found moving as difficult as speaking. His hands balled into fists at his side, "Trowa.. you said you didn't tell anyone!" he hissed threw his clenched jaw. 

"I didn't," he turned to his page and began to read, "We were all there to see for ourselves." 

Duo threw his arms in the air in exasperation, "Well isn't that just great! The one time I- whoa, Heero's moving out?" Duo asked, his mind finally registering Heero's last remark. 

"He and Wufei discussed switching rooms. Something about having to listen to you talk all night." 

Duo frowned and looked up the stairs, "I don't talk _that_ much." 

Trowa wasn't paying him any attention, he noted. The boy was completely engrossed in whatever novel or textbook he had in his hands. Duo sighed and looked to the top of the stairs forlornly. 

_This just isn't my day. I shouldn't blame Heero thought, even though he was the one who kicked me, pushed me, and made me pull a damn full body blush. It's probably all my fault, as usual. I'm the one who can't decide whether I should even be here. Guess it's only fair that Mr. Perfect doesn't have to share a room with The God of Doubt. Damn, I did it again. I'm frowning._

Duo took a deep breath and quickly replaced his grin, _Can't let them see me frowning. It's better that they don't know things get to me like this. They don't need to know my doubts. How do you do it, Heero? How do you push away all your cares and doubts and continue to kill? You never doubt yourself, do you? I wish I could be that way. But then again, if you push away all cares, do you also close yourself off from others? Is that how you survive? Oh, Heero. Maybe I'm wrong but is that really worth it? Then again, maybe you've had the right idea all along and I'm just a reluctant soldier. Too proud to quit and too stubborn to die but not devoted enough to becomes a machine like you. I envy that devotion, Heero. I hope I can find that kinda stuff in me someday. I guess I just care too much._

"-Maxwell?" 

Duo shook his head and turned towards Wufei, having not noticed the chinese boy had even entered the room. 

"Oh, I'm sorry Wu-chan. What were you saying?" 

Wufei sighed, "I said that Yuy and I have decided to switch rooms. I wanted to make sure you were aware of this." 

"Yeah, Trowa filled me in a bit. I'll try not to drive you away with my 'endless chatter' too." 

Wufei shook his head and headed up the stairs, "By the way, what was the name of that song you were singing?" 

Duo shouted in outrage and marched out of the front door, leaving Wufei to laugh at his retreat. 

* * *

As night fell, Heero's anxiety grew. There was an inner conflict raging inside him, between his emotions and his reason. While reason told him that there was no way in hell that this Chance guy could tell him the future, everything unreasonable inside him screamed to hear more. He had been raised to trust his emotions and ordered to go by his instincts. This time, however, they had not met at the same conclusion leaving Heero with both nothing and everything. All he knew was that he had to speak with Chance again and for some odd reason, he felt the other man need to speak with him as greatly. It wasn't till the voice echoed through his now private room that Heero realized his waiting was over. 

<"Heero, come in…. this is Chance."> 

* * *

AC 205

Heero bit his lip hard as he waited for a response. He had to pick up the phone. This strange link just had to be there still. He still had so much to tell himself. 

<"I hear ya Chance. Go ahead."> 

He let out an inaudible sign and smiled, "So, do you believe me now?" 

<"Yes. I believe you. Tell me how you are doing this."> 

Heero wanted to laugh._ If you only knew. _, "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. It's better to not discredit what I say with your doubts of how my knowledge is possible. Just accept it." 

<"You mentioned my future last night. You said something went wrong. Are you going to tell me what that is or are we going to sit around and play word games all night?"> 

"I'll tell you. I'm just a little reluctant. I don't know how much information is enough or too little or too much." Heero ran his fingers through his hair. He'd gone over it in his mind countless times but going through with it was something else entirely. _Let's start from the most urgent and work our way down_, "Before I begin, Heero, where is Duo?" 

<"In his room."> 

"Oh, so he's there with you?" 

<"No. We switched rooms. He rooms with Wufei now. You don't have to worry about Duo overhearing anything."> 

"WHAT!" Heero shouted. He didn't remember ever switching rooms with Wufei, "How. How did this happen. Why did this happen?!" 

<"Trowa noticed I was brooding over something and asked me. I didn't want to tell him about you so I made up something about Duo keeping me up all night. Wufei offered to switch rooms."> 

_Oh no. This is all _my_ fault._ "You had better prey to God that this doesn't change anything." 

<"If your worried about Duo, don't. He'll get over it. I saw him earlier today. Despite still feeling sheepish about the broom thing, he seemed fine."> 

_He always seems fine. That constant smile is his mask. Haven't you realized that yet? When did I realize that? Back then, did I even know I loved him? _Did_ I love him? When did I realize I loved him? I can't remember. Damn._

"Heero, I need for you to tell me something. Is Duo your friend?" 

<"…."> 

"Is he more thasn a friend?" 

<"Nani?!"> 

"Heero, if someone were to tell you that ten years in your future you'd be more concerned over Duo's happiness than that of the world, would you believe them?" 

<"What are you getting at? What are you saying?"> 

"Heero, this isn't hypothetical. Tell me. Would you believe them?" 

<"Them or you, Chance."> 

"………Me." 

The line suddenly died on the other end, leaving Heero/Chance to a night of worry.


	6. Broken

# Broken

### 

Part Six of Chance

*.oO@Oo.* 

AC 195

<"You hung up last night."> 

"I know, Chance." 

<"Why?"> 

_Damnit, you know practically everything, so why are you asking me this? Does it make that much of a difference for me to say it?_

"It's not important why I did it. You know why I called you this time. I want to know more." 

<"I know you do but there's not much more I can tell you unless you tell me what I want to know. What does Duo mean to you, Heero. Is he just a friend, or more?"> 

"He's a boy." 

<"Does that really make a difference?"> 

"Why are you asking me this? What does this have to do with anything? I just want to know what's wrong with my future." 

<"This has everything to do with your future. Heero, do you love Duo?"> 

_Love?!_ "Stop asking me these things. Get to the point already!" 

There was a saddened sigh on the other line, <"Listen to me, before the war ends Duo will ask you-"> 

Heero jumped in his seat as cold liquid passed over him, soaking his nightclothes. 

"Oh man, I am _so_ sorry!" Duo said from his place on the floor. In his hand was a empty glass, its former contents spilled all around the room. He stood up and ran for a towel, bringing it back to mop up the wet floor. 

Heero growled in agitation and placed the phone back to his ear, "Go on, Chance." 

Nothing. 

Heero shook the phone and tried again but nothing worked. Broken. Heero glared angrily at Duo who failed to meet his gaze. 

"I really am sorry, Heero," he absently continued, "It's hot outside tonight and I thought that maybe you would like some lemonade. I guess I should have been looking out for those shoes by the door, ne?" 

"Duo." 

He looked up and shrank under Heero's sharp prussian eyes, "I really didn't mean to…" he stood with the towel and walked towards Heero, taking a corner to wipe off some of the lemonade on his cheeks. 

Heero didn't budge and kept his gaze locked on Duo who gently dried his face. Duo held Heero's face still with his other hand though it really wasn't necessary. Heero wasn't fighting against his touch. Duo looked so pitiful, Heero noticed. Then again, it was probably just the absence of his smile. 

"Did I break your phone?" Duo asked, breaking the silence. 

Heero nodded, or rather tried to. Duo's hands kept his face straight and still. 

"I can fix it. I know I can." 

"It doesn't matter. Take it if you want. It's useless to me now." 

Duo sighed and moved away, picking the phone out of Heero's hand, "Are you mad at me?" 

"You broke my satellite phone." 

"Not about that. Did I do something wrong to make you move out of our room? I didn't mean to be so annoying and talkative but I can't help it and I just don't want anyone to be mad at me and I-" 

"Duo." 

"Hm?" 

"Shut up." 

Duo's face fell from a look of guilty concern to deeply saddened, "Yeah, yeah. I know. I'll see what I can do about your phone. Sorry for disturbing you, Heero." He walked out the door and closed it behind him. 

Heero looked on after him and sighed. Maybe it was batter that he didn't know what Chance was going to tell him. He'd find out on his own, right? Who was this guy to tell him what future was wrong and what future was right anyway! Heero sat back on his bed and starred at the ceiling fan as it swayed with each spin of its blades. 

_Who did that chance guy think he was, asking me what my feeling for Duo were. Duo is my friend, nothing more. Why should I care about his happiness. Why should I worry whether or not I hurt his feelings. Why do the words mean more than the feeling? Duo is my friend and nothing more. I don't lo… love him. Just because I worry after a mission whether he's coming back in one piece doesn't mean a thing. Just because I can't go a day without seeing his smile doesn't mean anything. Just because I can't be satisfied unless I hear him laugh doesn't mean I love him. Cause there's more to it. Love that is. There had got to be more to love than that. I can live without Duo and he can live without me. We're friends, nothing more. A soldier has no time for love. A perfect soldier can live without._

"I don't love Duo Maxwell." 

* * *

When Heero awoke the next morning, Duo was gone. He went to the kitchen expecting to see him pigging out on all the Lucky Charms but there was no trace of him except for the empty cereal box in the trash. Duo never got up earlier than him. Usually. He went to the living room expecting to see him sitting in front of the television watching morning cartoons. He wasn't there either. Trowa sat on the couch again, reading the same book he had been engrossed in for the past two days. 

"Trowa, have you seen Duo?" he asked. 

Trowa looked up for a moment then returned to his book, "I thought I saw him go outside. He said something about needing to go for a walk." 

Heero nodded in appreciation and left the house, his feet guiding him towards the sounds of speech and life. Apparently, Duo hadn't walked very far at all. He stood inside the hanger, chatting to Wufei who worked diligently on his "Nataku". Heero felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise as Duo's fingers gently rubbed the smooth surface of his friend's gundam. Duo's voice was loud but not loud enough to carry from his end of the hanger to Heero's ears. He watched as Duo leapt into the Shenlon, his feet dangling over the side of its cockpit hatch. He was sitting near Wufei. Heero looked at the black haired man scornfully as Duo's smile faded. 

_What the hell are you telling him, Wufei? Can't you see what you're doing to him?_

He watched as Duo fumbled with the fabric of his pants as he did when situations turned awkward for him. He noted how Duo's eyes, even from this distance, seemed duller and less alive. He'd only seen Duo look that way once in his time of knowing the braided baka. When he'd told him about the little girl and her puppy, the ones who died because of his miscalculation long before they'd met. Duo had put an arm around him and squeezed his shoulders tightly, not saying a word. It was more comforting that words could ever express. To just have someone sit there, not trying to emphasize or make you feel better. Just someone there to be with you. As he watched he prayed Duo wouldn't do the same for Wufei who seemed just as somber as Duo. Those arms were his to be held in and no one else's. Heero's eyes flashed wide. Was he… jealous? Jealous of Duo's attention to Wufei? Impossible. He was just… just… 

Duo smiled and waved Wufei good-bye before leaping out of the cockpit and walking down to the floor. Heero pressed against the shadows and watched Duo walk away. His feet followed before his mind registered. In time, he found himself standing behind a tree, Duo sitting and leaning against the other side. Duo didn't see him. Heero stood against the tree and listened to the grunts and exasperated sighs as Duo worked on.. something. He chanced a glance around the tree and noted with surprise the object Duo worked on was his satellite phone. 

"Damnit. Why won't you work? If you don't work then Heero will never forgive me. You mean a lot to him. A lot more than I do. Your lucky, ya know that? Hands and tools can fix a broken screw or a loose wire. You can't fix a broken heart though. Damnit it. I really blew it this time. That's why you need to work for me, okay? If I fix you then Heero will be so happy that he'll promise to be my dream, like Wufei said I should find. Heero's prefect for the job, don't you think so? He'll never feel like I do. He never doubts anything. He goes by what his emotions tell him and he always comes up on top. If I fallow him, maybe some of that luck will rub off on me. Maybe I can become a perfect soldier too. That's what Heero would want, isn't it? K'so! Get in there you stupid, stupid screw!" 

Heero pushed away from the tree and began his walk back to the safe house. Duo still worked behind the tree, oblivious to the fact that Hero had been there, listening to him. Though Heero hadn't much of an idea as to what Duo was saying, he could get the gist of it. Duo admired him greatly. So much that he wanted to live his life in Heero's shadow. 

_No, Duo. I won't let you walk my path. I don't love you, Duo but I won't take you down with me when I fall. I don't care, but I won't watch as you let me guide you into my realm of hell. You have your dreams and I have mine. Let us keep it that way. It's safer that way. For both of us. Apart._

* * *

AC 205

Heero stepped out of the shower with a twinge of.. something.. nipping at the back of his mind. He passed it off as nothing as he wrapped the towel around his waist and headed out the door. He paused briefly in front of the fogged up mirror to wipe away the moisture collected on its smooth surface and froze. Reflected in the mirror was his hand, clean of any mark… or scar. He looked at his other hand, panic seizing him. Nothing. His scar was gone. His promise made in blood had never been.


	7. Confessions

# Confessions

### Part Seven of Chance

*.oO@Oo.* 

Heero lay in a bloody heap on the soiled ground, his self-destructed gundam laying slain and littering the earth in many pieces. Duo ran to him, his arms carefully lifting the broken body and cradling it to his chest. 

"Heero, come on. Wake up, buddy. Please!" Mortal red stained through his clothing and soaking into the covered flesh. Duo brushed away the boy's bangs with his palm before letting his fingers trace paths of concern over a face of pain. They smoothed over closed eyes and brushed softly over stilled lips. Duo gasped to hold back tears but they fell despite. Heero wasn't breathing. His fingers sought Heero's pulse but found nothing but stillness. Nothing. Dead. 

"No! Heero!" 

Bleeding too quickly and suffering from too many injuries, even revival at this stage would not work. Shinigami had won this battle. 

"Heero! Damnit, don't do this. Please! Please God don't take him too!" 

Tears ran freely down his cheeks and melded with the foreign blood on his face. 

"Heero!" 

Awake. Duo starred at the ceiling, his pulse racing and his breathing quickened. He felt like he had run a triathlon and his body reacted as though he had. His hands were shaking. His face and clothes were drenched in perspiration. The sheets lay either tangled about his limbs or thrown over the side of the bed to gather at the floor. Duo did his best to sit up but groaned and fell back into his pillow. It seemed no matter how many times he told himself Heero was not dead, he would never believe it. He raised his head to glance at the other bed to at the very least prove to his eyes that Heero remained on this earth but the body under the covers was not Heero's. The raven dark hair pulled back neatly into a low ponytail was evidence enough. Besides, it didn't even make the same sounds Heero did when he slept. This body was less animated not to mention he was facing the wall. Heero never faced the wall. He always slept facing the door. 

_Sence when did you become an expert on Heero's sleeping habits?_ he asked himself, finding more strength to sit up as he did. 

_I don't know. He looks human, not machine like, when he sleeps. Kinda makes you remember he's mortal. Especially when he does that pout face when his dream world isn't to his liking. I wonder if he knows how cute he looks when he sleeps._

Duo threw the rest of the sheets and covers to the floor. There was little use in them anyway. He needed a drink. _Sence when have you been categorizing Heero's little expressions as "cute"?_

Duo chuckled at himself, _I'm having a conversation with my curiosity. I've lost it for sure this time. Oh well. I don't know that either. I guess it started out as admiration but… things have changed. Heero's still the same Heero but there's just so much more to him now. I've seen around that perfect soldier façade and I like what I saw. I probably just imagine it all but sometimes it seems as though maybe he thinks just a little bit more for me than any of the others. Maybe I just want him to. Lately it's been nothing but death glares and jibes at my pride though. Still, of all the thing he could have said, he told me I have nice legs. Oh that is it, I'm not talking to you anymore. This is getting a bit… weird. What am I thinking? That Heero likes me? As in, likes me likes me? Come on. You're delusional Duo Maxwell. Go back to bed and you'll see. In the morning he'll walk past with that patented "…" and not say another word all day. Hm… even his silence makes sense. It's a language all on it's own. I should write a book on "How to speak Heero". Could be a best seller._

Duo stood and opened the bedroom door, careful not to make a sound for fear or awakening Wufei. The last thing he wanted to do was to explain to him what was going on. Wufei was just a little too insightful. There were just some things he didn't want pointed out right now. His mind had had enough for on night. Duo tiptoed through the hall and stopped as he came to the stairs. Heero's room was close by. That damn dream came back to mind and Duo found his feet taking him towards the room before his mind could registered the motion. Within seconds, he was in the room with the door shut behind him. The body in this bed definitely belonged to one Heero Yuy. Duo had practically memorized the guy's sleeping posture, crazy as it sounded. Heero lay still and silent on the bed, moonlight caressing his features. Duo breathed in a deep, quivering intake. Too still. Too quiet. He moved quickly to the bedside and lay his hand over the boy's face, not close enough to touch but enough to catch any affirming breath. Was that wind though? A breeze from the fan? Damnit. Duo leaned over till his cheek was just above Heero's lips, his braid tumbling to the bed over his shoulder. Warm breath fell lightly against his face and he sighed at the confirmation, all doubts washed away. 

Strange hands clamped around his long braid and pulled hard. Scornful prussian eyes glared, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" 

Duo was speechless, his face held in place over Heero's by the other boys firm grip on his hair, "Um.. I know this probably looks bad but it's not what you think." Duo cringed inwardly. Judging only but what the scenario looked like, things looked very bad indeed. Duo tried to pull away from him but Heero seemed none to eager to let go. 

"Then explain. Quickly." 

Duo wanted to look away. Those prussian beauties were just a little to judgmental for his own to stand, "I had a nightmare. That's all. You died and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Really." 

Heero grunted and let go of the braid, "Get out of here Duo and go to bed." 

Duo nodded solemnly and walked towards the door, not brave enough to turn his back on his friend. Bad move. The same tennis shoes that had caught him by surprise the day before had suddenly reappeared beneath his bare feet once again. His footing lost, Duo fell to the floor. 

"I guess I should start expecting that or at least start looking out for those, ne Heero?" 

"Go to bed, Duo!" 

Duo sighed and rubbed his sore backside, "I'm going. I'm going." Duo stood, his hands now concentrating on the pain in his scalp after being pulled on for so long, "Why didn't I see you today. Heero? It was almost like you were avoiding me." 

"I just had other places to be." 

"Oh." Duo crossed to the door but stopped again and turned towards the dresser, jumping up and sitting on the cool hard wood. 

Heero narrowed his eyes in curiosity and displeasure, "What are you doing?" 

"I want to ask you something. I figured that sense you're already awake you might want to-" 

"It's almost three o'clock in the mor-" 

"It's important to me, Heero. You don't have to talk back. Just listen." Duo pleaded. 

Heero kept his gaze harsh as he sat up, Chance's words playing in his mind. _You knew Duo would want to talk to me tonight but you never told me about what or what I was supposed to do. All I know is that tonight will shape my destiny. Alright then. Duo, let's see where this takes us._

"Even if I tell you no, you're still going to talk. Just get it over with." 

Duo smiled gently, "Arigato, Heero. I guess it's silly really. What I want to talk to you about. It's just something I need to know. Ask Wufei. I've been asking a lot of pointless questions all day long." 

"Have you found out anything to your satisfaction?" 

"Some things. Wufei had some good suggestions." Duo sighed, "I guess I should get to the point of all this, huh? The sooner I'm done the sooner you can return to sleep. Heero… I don't suppose you've noticed but the way things have been going lately, it doesn't look as thought this war will ever end. Like we just keep fighting and fighting but nothing ever gets accomplished in the long run." 

"All wars end in time. We've just got to keep fighting till things are over and we're victorious." 

"That's what I'm talking about." Duo unconsciously fidgeted with the gold cross around his neck, "If the other side is as stubborn as us, who's to say the battle will ever end? I know you'll never give up but some of us don't have that kind of mindset. People die everyday because of the battle we fight and we go out and kill even more the next. How many people have to die till someone gets smart and surrenders? We could end a lot of misery if we all just gave in, right?" 

Heero got out of bed slowly but with almost predatorial movements. In seconds he was beside Duo and in the same duration, Duo was knocked off the dresser by his closed fist. 

"If you still want to surrender than I might just have to kill you. I suggest you do the honorable thing and just kill yourself if indeed you can't see what your doing in this war is right. We fight because we have to. There is too much at stake not to fight and at this stage, giving up is not an option. I would have thought of anyone, you'd know that." 

Duo kept his gaze to the floor, his hand protecting his swelling jaw from further damage Heero might try to inflict, "You're right. I guess I've just been waiting for someone else to say it. I'm a lost soul in these battled, aren't I Heero? I can't fight cause I've lost faith in what I fight for and I can't sit back because I'm too involved. I'll save you the trouble of putting me to rest though, Heero. I'll take care of both myself and my gundam next time we battle. Who knows. Maybe I'll take out a few enemy pilots with me." Duo looked up and was surprised to say the least. Heero's face was ghostly pale and his eyes larger than he had ever seen them. Was he.. scared? 

Heero fell to his knees beside him, much to Duo's further surprise. Heero lowered his head, "Duo, I didn't mean it like that… I don't want you to kill yourself." 

"You mean you don't want me to self-destruct and blow a perfectly good gundam to pieces." 

"No!" Heero grabbed Duo's wrist in his hand, "That's not what I mean. I was just trying to scare you. I didn't think you'd actually take me seriously." Heero pulled Duo so that he looked his in the eyes, "Why would you do it?" 

Duo shrank under his gaze, "I told you. I can't fight anymore. I've lost hope in my dreams." 

"What dreams?" 

"Love, family.. mostly love though. I thought for a while that I had friendship but… you acted like you hated me and I figured I'd lost that as well." He took to looking at Heero's feet. _Perfect feet. Gee, is there anything not perfect about you?_

"I don't hate you Duo. I'm just.. confused. I… I don't know what's going on but I never hated you. Never." 

Duo nodded though the words didn't quite reach his mind, "Wufei said I needed a new dream, someone to fallow and believe in when all else failed. I wanted to believe in you, Heero."" 

_Wanted to?_"Why did you change your mind?" 

_Cause I can't ignore the way I feel about you and simply believing you'll keep me sane isn't enough. Not anymore._"I didn't exactly change my mind. There are just certain criteria I can't live up to." 

Heero watched the many emotions that crossed between those amethyst eyes. Sadness, disappointment, depression. _Where has your smile gone, Duo?_

_<"If I were to tell you that in five years time, you will have been more concerned over Duo's happiness than that of the world's, would you believe me?"> _

<"What are you feeling for Duo Maxwell?"> 

<"Do you love him?"> 

"Yes." 

Duo raised his head, having thought he had heard the tiny whisper from the kneeling boy, "Did you say something?" 

Heero shook his head and reached out with one hand to open the drawer of this bedside table. He took out a Swiss Army Knife and flipped out a sharp blade. Duo seemed to take it the wrong way. 

"So, you really are going to kill me, huh? I don't care. I've always said it was my destiny to be killed by you." 

Heero reached and enclosed Duo's cross in his own hands, pulling hard and snapping it off its owner's neck. Duo gasped in surprise then took on an authoritative posture and voice, "Hey, that's mine. Give it back, Heero!" 

Heero stood and leapt to the other side of the bed, sitting down on the matrices with the cross in one hand and his knife in the other. 

Duo was right behind him, "I'm not kidding, Heero! That is MY cross and I swear if you do anything to it I'll-Heero!" he leapt toward the said boy as the knife began to cut deeply into the metal of his prized possession. Heero saw him coming and moved before Duo fell, the latter hitting the matrices with a soft thud. Quickly and before the other boy knew what was happening, Heero got onto the bed and sat on his back, pinning Duo's arms to his side with his knees. Duo struggled but Heero was stronger. He could hear the knife. 

"Heero! Stop it, please! That was a gift from Father Maxwell! Stop whatever you're doing and just give it back! Oh, please Heero, give it back!" 

"Shhh. You'll wake everyone else. If they come barging in here, I'll leave you to do the explaining." 

Duo bit his lip. With him pinned to the bed and Heero sitting on his lower back… Judging only but what the scenario looked like, things looked very bad indeed. He hadn't noticed when the scratching sounds had ended or when the golden shiny object had been replaced in his view. 

"Well?" 

At Heero's words, Duo looked up. His cross dangled before his eyes, the back of it facing him. A few words were scratched into it, simple but moving none the less. 

_Heero and Duo, in life and death._

"He-Heero?" 

Heero slid off his back and took the cross with him, bringing both Duo's eyes and attention with him. 

"There is no criteria to live up to, Duo. You are who you are and for that…. I love you." 

Duo couldn't have sat up quicker had the bed beneath him exploded, "You… you love me?" Heero nodded and reached behind Duo's head to replace the cross around its rightful owner, "I want to be your dream, Duo. I want you to believe in me. I want to make your dreams come true. If you'll let me, that is." 

Duo hesitated not a moment. With Heero's arms laced under his hair to clasp his necklace together, Duo enclosed Heero in his own, embracing him tightly around the waist, "I want you to, Heero. I love you. I love you." His head fell neatly under Heero's chin. A perfect fit. _Perfect. And you're mine. In life and death._

Heero brushed the soft chestnut hair with his hand, its smell becoming intoxication and somewhat narcotic. He could feel something inside him fall into place as it had never done before. _Was this what you were telling me, Chance? I frankly don't care. You say my future is doomed but if this is the wrong path then to hell with the right one. I never want to leave him. I never want to do anything but be at his side. You were right about one thing though. Tonight has changed my life forever._

Duo's breathing suddenly became more evenly paced and arms loosened, however slightly, from around his waist. Heero tipped his head back and smiled. Duo was asleep. Though whatever controversy it would create in the morning, Heero laid Duo back against the bed and pulled the covers up over him. He'd sleep with him tonight. Heero slipped between the sheets and snuggled close to the warmth in his bed. Foreign as it was, Heero loved the feel of Duo next to him. He sighed in length and casually wrapped one arm around the other body, his hand resting on the gold cross. 

_This is my promise to you, Duo. I will always love you. Always._

His eyes fell closed and he joined his friend in sweet slumber.


	8. In Life and Death

# In Life and Death

*.oO@O.*

AC 205

Heero stepped out of his house and looked down the hill towards the city, his prussian eyes lightening with a smile. As he entered the crowded streets, people stopped to say hello or paused briefly just to wave him as he passed. The occasional, "Good morning, Yuy-san," could be heard as those who knew him brushed by. Heero nodded and waved back to friends and general acquaintances alike as he made his way towards the office building he worked in. At the front desk sat a slightly plump woman of a moderately young age. 

She smiled at him brightly and waved to him with the flitter of her eyelashes, "Kon'nichi wa, Yuy-sama." 

Heero smiled back as he pressed his identification card into her hand for her to scan. 

She turned it over a few times in her hand and nodded, "Yup. It's still you. Are you having a good day, Yuy-sama?" 

"As good as can be expected." 

The girl gasped and flushed in embarrassment, "Oh, I forgot! Today is.. oh, gomen ne! It's been five years, hasn't it?" 

"Yes." Heero took back his card and pressed on through the main doors, "Are the others here?" 

"They're waiting for you in your office, Yuy-sama. Would you like me to buzz them and tell them you've arrived?" 

"That won't be necessary, thank you." Heero waved to her in passing and headed to the elevator. The ride was short. His Preventers office was located fairly centralized in the building. He unboarded the elevator and walked down the hall, his door beckoning him. The knob turned and he stepped inside, not at all too surprised to see his three friends occupying his space. 

"Don't take this the wrong way but Quatre, Trowa, get a room." 

The said pair did all but ignore him, the blonde turning to smile at the japanese man, "Heero, I expected you here much sooner." 

"I got caught up at the front desk." 

Wufei held up both hands, "Say no more. I think we've all been there before." 

Quatre nodded, "So, how are you feeling?" 

The age old question and seemingly the most popular of the day, "It's been five years. Hearts mend. The loneliness remains but I'll survive. I've got you three still though. And you?" 

"The same." Trowa responded, flipping a remote control in his hand. 

Wufei tilted his head towards Quatre who seemed to understand what was being implied. The blonde jumped off the desk from which he had been seated and reached behind a cabinet to produce a small bouquet of flowers. He handed them to Heero he had to strongly resist the urge to roll his eyes, "Wha-" 

"Read the card." Wufei prompted. 

Heero complied. 

"To Five years in flesh and another in memory. Happy Tenth Anniversary"

Heero smiled dimly, "Ah. I see. So, you guys knew that was today as well. Ironic isn't it? The day I lost him was the same as the day I found him." 

Wufei nodded and put a hand on his shoulder, "He'll never be lost to any of us as long as we remember him in our hearts. Death can sometimes make love stronger." 

Trowa avoided looking at the two. Wufei spoke from personal experience. It had been the death of his wife that had made him realize the feelings he felt within. No one is granted a second chance, but at least Heero and Duo had been lucky enough to find each other long before death fell upon them. Trowa stood and handed Heero the remote he had been holding on to, "We have another present for you, Heero. We found it a while ago and were waiting for the right time to show you. Today just felt like the right time." 

Confused, Heero took the remote in hand, "What's this for?" 

Wufei produced a black tape from behind his back and pressed it into Heero's other hand, "This." He walked to the door and motioned for the others to fallow, "We'll leave you alone for a while. There's still work to do today but.. well.. we can cover for you till you're ready." 

Heero watched them leave, his heart warmed by there compassion. His hands carried the tape to the VCR and his fingers found the appropriate buttons to play whatever was recorded within the black shell. What was shown before him was nothing less than startling. There stood Duo, a broom in hand, dancing and singing through the rooms of there safe house some ten years ago. Judging by the angle it had been taken from, this had to be surveillance footage. It caught every movement none the less, every change in expression of the lively boys face and ever swing of that braided tail. His voice was caught to perfection, it's sound forever etched into both memory and the black tape. 

_"I know it's up to me to fulfill my own dreams. So, to that smile of your that lives on in my heart, good luck and goodbye."_

Heero found himself laughing at the irony of it all. _Duo, did you know that I'd be playing this on the anniversary of your death when you sang this? You couldn't have. But listen to you… perhaps you had your own guiding voice. Chance, in what little he said when we did speak, told me things that have changed my future. I'm certain of it. _

_"Believe in the shinning tomorrow"_

A wetness reached his cheeks and rolled down to settle in the part of his lips. Heero licked it away, the flavor vaguely reminding him of a rainstorm. _I believe Duo. I've never doubted. We were given a chance to be together and even though that time has passed, your memory lives on. Ai shiteiru, Duo. In life and death._ his hand clutched the cross around his neck and stroked the engraved underside of the smooth metal. 

_"Grab on to my hand and carry on."_


End file.
